On Speaking your mind…

I earlier meant what I said and said what I meant!

And then later wondered where all my friends went.

Should I tell the truth or should I sugar coat?

When I know that the truth can really rock the boat…

(SD)

One of life’s great dilemmas is whether to be honest or to be kind!  And when you are in a profession where a large part of your working life is all about dealing with people, there are bound to be interactions wherein you come back with a feeling that maybe you could have been less direct and perhaps maybe more gentle!  Sometimes the after effects of speaking your mind are not obvious immediately and in the heat of the moment, you perhaps don’t even realize the effect of your directness on the recipient of your honesty.

The other aspect about plain speaking is the whole dimension of consequences.  For instance, as a subordinate at work, to what extent can you express dissent or disagreement with your boss or those in positions of authority? 

If you are a boss, can you be really honest with your subordinate when he/she has goofed up on the job? Or do you try and sugarcoat so that you avoid ruffling feathers and end up with a resignation letter in your inbox?

Brutal Honesty or Absolute Diplomacy:  Brutal Honesty and Absolute Diplomacy are the two ends of the spectrum when it comes to honesty in communication. Brutal honesty can prove to be lethal for relationships as truth can be abrasive and painful to bear, as it appears harsh and inconsiderate. At the other end of the continuum are those who are diplomatic to a fault and to such an extent that you cannot really decipher as to whether they are being truthful.  In any case both these diametrically opposite styles do not really make for authentic, relationship building propositions.

Different Strokes for Different Folks: Whether you can be really honest with others is essentially based on the kind of relationship you have with them. If the relationship is shaky and flaky or if you are just getting to know someone, you may tend to veer towards diplomacy. However if you are really confident in the strength of the relationship, you can risk speaking your mind knowing that it will not affect your relationship too adversely.

Honesty and kindness: One of the main reasons why we try to gloss over facts is because we feel we would end up hurting others. While this could be true at an emotional level, it helps to realize that hiding the truth means we end up misrepresenting facts. If your spouse is gaining weight excessively and you do not provide feedback, you are eventually robbing him/her of the opportunity to take corrective actions. So your short term ‘kindness’ is actually being unkind to the person in the long run.

Minding the ‘how’ along with the ‘what’: There are times we are so convinced with the rightness of our idea, or earnestness of our point of view that we miss noticing how we go about providing feedback or sharing an honest opinion. Truth can be a hard pill to swallow, and if it is accompanied by a harsh and insensitive tone, it can come down like a ton of bricks on the hearer, leading to rancor and bitterness in the relationship. However if there is genuineness in your approach as reflected in your tone and facial expressions, hearing the truth does not become so very unpalatable.

Intent Matters:  Even when we have to stick our neck out and speak on matters that could ruffle feathers, our basic intent is what really matters. As a subordinate for instance, you can speak your mind with your boss if your relationship is such that your boss knows that you speak with a clear and honest intent. Problems occur when people have devious or ambiguous motives and in such situations speaking the truth can have unsavoury consequences.

The next time you are faced with a dilemma as to whether to speak your mind, you may want to keep in mind some of these things..

Procrastination : The Thief of Time

I thought I had all the time,

Will do it later, should be fine

Didn't realize how the time flew by

Now all I can do is cry and sigh!

                                     (SD)

It is said that procrastination is the ‘thief of time’.  Indeed procrastination can be colloquially termed as ‘the art of putting off for tomorrow what can be, and perhaps needs to be done today” J

If you come to think of it honestly, almost everyone is guilty of procrastinating at some time or the other.  Think of the time as a student you knew you had an exam a week hence, and started studying only a couple of days prior. Or the time when an important presentation had to be made at office and you put it off till the very last minute, later complaining that the PPT really didn’t come out as well as you had intended. This is not to say I am taking a ‘holier than thou’ stance here. There have been so many times I have procrastinated on things, it’s not really funny!

Why do we procrastinate?

One of the main reasons why we procrastinate is because we view some tasks as being undesirable, a drudgery or plain boring. We would rather do something else, and frankly sometimes when you know that something unappealing needs to be done, the prospect of indulging in leisure or postponing the inevitable becomes so very appealing.

For some folks the jury seems to be still out on whether procrastination is harmful or it aids productivity. Someone told me the other day that he is not able to give his very best until the deliverable is just due, i.e. at the very last moment. It seems he gets a rush of adrenalin that pushes him to greater heights of excellence.  A Smart Alec also quips, ““The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.”

While this may seem true superficially, such an approach does not account for last minute hiccups or impediments that may suddenly present themselves unannounced.

Some honest introspection is most likely to reveal that people seem to procrastinate on tasks that seem unappealing but which they intrinsically know that they can handle even at the last minute. This implies that the level of difficulty of such tasks is not very high, and secondly where the consequences of failure (payoffs) are not too high. They would typically not have the same approach for really tough or important tasks that could have a material bearing on career or personal well-being.

Perils of procrastinating

Ø  Panic: Putting off things till the very end invariably leads to panic when something has to be closed and you have very less time for it.

Ø  Suboptimal quality: High quality work and a rushed schedule seldom go together. You really have to be a genius if you can consistently pull off high quality stuff at the eleventh hour every time.

Ø  Weighs on your mind: Anything you are putting off for the last minute has a tendency to figure as   a sword hanging over your head which robs you of your peace of mind and invariably negatively impacts your productivity. Highly avoidable!

Simple Tips to avoid procrastination

Ø  Slice up tasks into small portions: If the overall task seems daunting and puts you off, try and break it into small time-bound slices which you can tackle over a period of time while ensuring that you meet the overarching deadline.

Ø  ‘Do it afraid’: It helps if you cheat your feelings of fear and anxiety by biting the bullet and start doing the task at hand, knowing that FEAR is actually ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’. As you start making progress, you will see your fears melting away and a sense of confidence and self assurance sweeping in. 

Ø  Watch your company: You are less likely to procrastinate if you make it a point to be around positive, action oriented folks. Laziness has a tendency of rubbing off, hence you would do yourself a favour by steering clear of those who are lackadaisical if not plain lazy!